All About Caitlin Scarpa

All About Caitlin Scarpa

6 Reasons Why Caitlin Scarpa Hates Summer

By Cynthia Loh

#1 The Beach

When I asked Caitlin Scarpa why she hates the ocean, she replied, "SAND! I HATE SAND. I also hate the ocean, it's terrifying." As a fellow beach hater, I can relate to where Caitlin is coming from. Whenever I go to the beach, sand gets in places where sand shouldn't be. Also, there are showers on the beach to wash the sand off your feet and legs, however, to leave the beach, you need to walk back across sand. It is an endless cycle of sand and water and sand. Another one of Caitlin's many fears is of the ocean. She fears the slimy, disgusting creatures in the sea and you don't know when you're gonna get eaten by a shark. Not to mention, the ocean is filthy, according to Caitlin, "There is an entire island made of garbage in the middle of the ocean."

#2 The Outdoors

If you didn't already know Caitlin is an indoor person. Being in the same gym class as her, I have first-highhandedly seen Caitlin's struggle with being outside and physical activity. As quoted by Caitlin, "I can't sports ball." She would rather stay indoors and paint or watch Netflix or read than to do stuff outside.

#3 Barbecues

Something I noticed throughout my life is that Americans love their barbecue, especially during the summer. However, for Caitlin, this is just another reason to hate Summer. For those of you who don't know, Caitlin Scarpa is a vegetarian. "I love animals," explains Caitlin, "and I don't want to support the murder and torture of innocent animals." She doesn't eat fish either. Although, I find this a bit ironic because I'm eating sushi and a Philly cheese steak at the same time I'm writing this.  

#4 She Can't Tan, She Only Burns

I'll be honest, the first time I saw Caitlin I thought, "Jesus Christ, this girl is really pale." As I got to know her more and more, that thought still hasn't changed. She is still really pale. To Caitlin, there is nothing beneficial about the hot sun during summer, she already hates the heat and the outdoors. When she is exposed to sunlight,her skin just gets really red and eventually fades and her skin reverts back to her pale self. I think its impossible for Caitlin to get tan without a spray tan. 

#5 She Doesn't Get to See Me 5 Days a Week

I only really became friends with Caitlin this year but I think we are pretty good friends. I force her help me with my homework and I like to make fun of her New York accent by calling her random words she says differently, such as ask, coffee, ambassador, etc. What else are friends for? So I can say for certain that Caitlin will miss me during the summer. I mean, who wouldn't?

#6 She's A Vampire!!!

I have a theory that Caitlin Scarpa is actually a vampire. First, piece of evidence is in how pale her skin is and we all know that vampires are pale. This would explain why she never gets tan. Its because she's a vampire. Vampires are supposed to burn in sunlight, or sparkle like they do in twilight. however I think the sunlight just weakens them. This would explain Caitlin's hate toward being outside and why she needs sunglasses every time we go outside to for gym. Vampires aren't supposed to get sick but she does because of her often exposure to sunlight. Not to mention her long, sharp claws, that she passes off as her nails. Those things are like 3 inches long. Although, it was previously mentioned how Caitlin is a vegetarian, she can't possibly be a vampire, but she can. I believe this is a cover to lead people away from suspecting her of being a blood-sucking demon. No one has ever seen fangs in her mouth but I believe they are retractable. Also, if she wanted to make two bite marks she could just use her ridiculously long "nails" to poke two holes. Caitlin Scarpa is a vampire. 

Harry Potter vs Star Wars

Caitlin is a big fan of Harry Potter while I am a fan of Star Wars and we have gotten in arguments of which one is better. I texted her before why she likes Harry Potter more and why it is better than Star Wars and she replied with this super, long text which I will type out.

"Harry Potter has a much deeper story, with millions of spin-off stories and theories. Star Wars is just about space and huge machines and technology no one understands. People can also relate to harry potter with the numerous characters. Hermione is a nerdy girl who was bullied for how she looked and because she was smart. Some little girls can relate to her and find comfort in seeing how she dealt with it. She is also a strong feminist icon. Draco Malfoy was born into an abusive household where he was told to hate all "muggels" and "muggle borns", he eventually learned that he doesn't have to be who his family wants him to be. Harry's father, James Potter, was a bully, but he learned not to be an a**hole. Harry Potter teaches friendship, love, loyalty, and respect. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all work together to defeat Lord Voldemort after he wages war on Hogwarts. Hogwarts is a school, and hundreds of children were killed in this battle. Lavender Brown, Fred Weasly, Remus Lupin... blah blah blah... were all people killed in this battle. Lily Potter, Harry's mother sacrificed herself to save Haryy's life, this love was so powerful that it kept Harry safe whenVoldemort tried to kill him. There are thousands of mythical creatures..................." (She just goes on and on and on. This is only halfway through the text.)

"I could go on, but I'm tired of typing"

I'm tired of typing too, Caitlin. Of course, I will never believe what she says until she actually sees at least one Star Wars movie. So until then, Star Wars is better Caitlin.