I'm Thinking of Ending Things Contemplation

by Julia Loewen

SPOILER ALERT 

I'm Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid. Weirdest, scariest, and most confusing book I have ever read, but most definitely one of the greatest. After finishing the book, my jaw was dropped, my eyes were tearing, but I had no idea why. The novel begins with the thoughts of "Steph" in the car with her boyfriend, Jake, and at the end of every chapter, there is a short dialogue between two people who seem to be talking about a murder. Jake and Steph were on their way to Jake's parents home, but several times throughout the drive, she was "thinking of ending things". The writing is incredibly descriptive, I truly thought I was inside Steph's brain. They go to Jake's house, where Steph is slightly creeped out by strange things she finds throughout the household. Upon their departure, Jake's parents excessively ask Jake and Steph to stay the night, but Steph brushes this off her shoulder, as she does with most extremely creepy things that she comes across though the story. On their way home, Jake had a temper, way more angry than usual. He demanded they stop at desolate Dairy Queen, where a strange teen girl told Steph she was worried for her, and then he demanded they stop again, at a high school in the middle of nowhere so he can throw out their Dairy Queen cups. Pitch black in an empty high school parking lot, Jake left Steph alone in the car to throw out their cups. He returns after a while, and the two sat in the car. Jake refused to leave, and kissed Steph. He stopped suddenly and began to scream because he thought he saw someone in the window of the school. He leaves Steph alone in the car and entered the school. Steph heard a few loud noises, and then left the car to see what was going on. In the school, she was running from the sound of boots on the floor, and was looking for Jake. She found herself in the art room, where there were threatening messages written in paint all over the room. This is when the book really takes a turn. Instead referring to herself as "I", the narrator switched to words like "we", and then gives us the impression that it was not in fact Steph speaking, it was Jake. The thoughts of "ending things" returned and the words, "What are your waiting for?" kept reoccurring. The narrator describes Jake handing him/her a metal hanger, and he/she kills his/herself with it. Then Jake describes himself dying alone in a closet. At the end of this chapter, the two people in the dialogue discuss a journal left near his body, but "he" was not the one speaking. One of the speakers in the dialogue then recommends the other to read it.

My Interpretation

After a lot of thought and research, I think I finally understand the book. Jake and Steph met at the bar, but he never gave her his number because he was too socially awkward. Out of guilt, Jake wrote the book in the perspective of Steph, if he would've given her his number. He assumed they would have been dating, and she would have been meeting his parents that night. When "Steph" described leaving Jake's parents house, she explained how they seemed worried and wanted them to stay. I believe that that was supposed to represent Jake's parents telling him they were worried about him and want him to live at home. When "Steph" and Jake got to the school, the narrator describes three people in the school; Steph, Jake, and the man they were running from. There was actually only one person in the building, that being Jake. The narrator continuously thought about "ending things" and wondered "what are you waiting for?" but not referring to a relationship, but to Jake's life. In the end, when the narrator describes someone handing him a coat hanger to kill himself with, it was really only Jake, who took his own life. The people speaking in the dialogue at the end of the book were speaking about Jake's death, and the long note that they saw near his dead body, was the book, I'm Thinking of Ending Things.